Scripture Reflection, October 04, 2009: Two Equals One

Scripture Readings:
Genesis 2: 18-24
Psalm 128
Hebrews 2: 9-11
Mark 10: 2-16

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A few years ago, I officiated at the wedding of the daughter of some friends who live on Long Island. When it came time for the distribution of communion at the wedding liturgy, I noticed a couple slowly making their way toward me. It was clear that the husband was suffering from severe physical impairment. His wife was gently, carefully helping him up the aisle to receive communion. When I got to the wedding reception after the Mass, I found myself seated at a table with this same couple, who happened to be the aunt and uncle of the bride. During the course of the meal, I discovered that the husband had been a detective in the New York City Police Department. This tall, strapping man, who had once been an excellent athlete, had suffered a serious stroke a few years earlier. I watched as his wife lovingly assisted him throughout the meal, helping him with his food and supplying a napkin when it was needed. This wedding reception included a disc jockey who was playing the most popular songs while people danced the night away. At one point he played a song that everyone knew, including the older generation of guests. Almost everyone made their way out to the dance floor. I was left sitting at the table with this couple. The wife told me that, before her husband’s stroke, they were always the first couple out on the dance floor and the last to leave. Now, of course, her husband was not able to dance. But I watched as she stood beside her husband’s chair at the table, took his hand and smiled at him, and moved their hands up and down to the beat of the music. It was as if they were still dancing, even though her husband could no longer make it out to the dance floor.

I thought of that incident when I read the Scripture readings for this Sunday’s liturgy. These readings offer us a very challenging message about fidelity in marriage. They can be offputting for some people, especially those who have experienced difficulty in their marital relationships. In the reading from the Book of Genesis, which is part of the story of creation, the relationship between husband and wife is viewed as rooted in the very designs of God for creation. This very simple but beautiful story speaks of the deep partnership and mutuality which is the goal of married life. With the image of two becoming “one flesh,” the Scriptures suggest a harmonious relationship that is characterized by sharing and mutual help in every sphere of life.

In the gospel reading, Jesus finds himself drawn into a hornet’s nest of a religious debate that was part of the Jewish society of his day. Divorce was actually not uncommon in first century Israel. There was, however, a controversy about the proper grounds for divorce. The experience of marriage was shaped by male-dominated structures and practices. Marriages were often arranged, and the terms were negotiated between the groom and his father and the father of the bride. The woman had little say in the entire matter. The prescription about a man divorcing his wife was interpreted differently by various rabbis of the first century. Some rabbis argued that a man could write a bill of divorce for only the most serious reasons, like marital infidelity. Others allowed the husband to do this for more trivial reasons, like bad cooking. So when the religious leaders pose this query to Jesus, they know that it is a loaded question that exposes him to criticism no matter how he answers.

In his answer, Jesus appeals to the teaching in Genesis and speaks of God’s original plan for men and women. He moves beneath the letter of the Mosaic law to God’s ultimate designs for a faithful, enduring union between a man and woman in marriage. His teaching here is radical when compared with the opinions of the day. For one thing, it challenges a practice rooted in patriarchy that views the woman almost as property. Both husband and wife are called to fidelity and responsibility in the marriage relationship. Both are called to a commitment marked by mutual respect. This teaching of Jesus is part of his proclamation of the reign of God and of the radical demands that this kingdom makes on people.

This is a very difficult topic to talk about these days. We live in a social and cultural atmosphere that does not support this kind of teaching about commitment to marriage. And so many people have experienced tragic situations in marriage that they never wanted or even dreamed would happen. As we listen to Jesus’ challenging teaching, we also need to remember his gracious welcome toward those who were in need of mercy, whose lives had fallen short of the ideal. He offered new life and hope to people who thought that their lives were in such a mess that there was no more hope. We need to recall his encounter with the Samaritan woman in John’s gospel, a woman who had already been through five marriages. In this encounter this woman discovered in Jesus the living water that she had been thirsting for, and she became a witness to the gospel. Already in the early Christian community, the church had to struggle with interpreting and applying these words of the Lord. We see that, for example, in Paul’s advice to the Corinthian community about believers married to non-Christian spouses. Jesus’ teaching had to be applied in a pastoral way to complex situations.

It is this memory of Christ’ mercy and welcome, and of the need to apply the Lord’s commandment about fidelity to complex situations, that has given rise to the church’s process of annulment. The church recognizes that in certain cases something essential to the marital commitment, to the needed consent between husband and wife, is missing. So the marriage is impeded from the beginning in attaining its full status as a mutual and enduring union in Christ. This process can certainly appear confusing and burdensome to people at times, and it is far from perfect, but it is meant to be a way to address the tragedy of broken marriages and to further the healing process.

The reading from the Letter to the Hebrews makes a remarkable statement about Jesus; it says that God made this leader of our salvation perfect through suffering. The couple whom I met at the wedding seems to have experienced their own relationship maturing and being perfected through very difficult circumstances. It is often in the face of hardship and suffering that the beauty of committed love shines forth. This message is a challenging one in our culture today. It teaches us that we find genuine freedom through commitment, not apart from commitment. Christ is the one who shared our humanity, with its infirmities, and who accomplished our salvation through a loving commitment that endured through suffering. It is Christ who is strength in our weakness; it is Christ who offers us mercy when we fall short of the ideal; it is Christ who gives us hope at times when we feel there is no hope. Because of him, we can strive to be faithful to one another.

Fr. Robin Ryan, cp