From Burden to Blessing

The following is a reflection by Josh Jones, a participant in the August 2008 Catholics on Call Young Adult Conference. Josh is a junior at Saint Norbert’s College in DePere, Wisconsin. He is interested in ministry in the Church and, possibly, life as a member of a religious community. In his reflection Josh recounts a momentous event in his life that left him facing the challenge of a physical disability. He is an inspiring witness to the power of God’s grace at work even in the most difficult times in our lives.

On June 12th 2005, my life as I knew it changed forever. It was a little after four in the afternoon, and I was going to relax with some of my close friends in my pool following the hectic afternoon that was my high school graduation party. I jumped into the pool the same way I had done countless times before, but this time things were different. Instead of my butt hitting the bottom of the pool, the back of my head was the first part of my body to make contact with the pool floor. Instantly I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t move. Lying on the bottom of the pool motionless, time seemed to come to a complete standstill. Looking up at the beautiful blue sky through the water, my body floated to the surface. I tried to swim, but my body wasn’t getting the message, I tried to call for help, but I was unable to speak. All of the sudden the world went black. When I came to, I found myself still in the water in the arms of friends and family. It didn’t take me long to become aware that my life would never be the same. I had broken my neck at the C-7 level and was now a quadriplegic. Lying in the Neuroscience ICU in the days following my accident I found myself unable to move my body from the chest down, could barely move my arms, and had no use of my hands. I accepted the fact that my life was going to be different and that getting down on myself and depressed wasn’t going to do me any good.

I spent two weeks in the Neuro ICU, 10 weeks in the in patient rehab unit at St. Vincent Hospital, and the next year doing outpatient therapy. During this time I had to relearn how to do everything; how to be able to sit upright again, get dressed, how to feed myself, and every other little thing I had spent the last 18 and a ½ years of my life doing.

Everything that I had believed in was now being challenged. I had always believed that things happen for a reason and that God doesn’t put us in situations that we are not strong enough to handle. I wanted answers. Why had this happened, what did I do to deserve this, and what good could possibly come from all of this? These questions came to consume me and I spent countless hours everyday trying to figure everything out. Little did I know it would take another tragic event for me to begin to make sense of everything.

The physical therapist I worked with at the hospital had a high school student doing an internship with her. Her name was Taylor, and after working with her for a couple of months we had developed a good friendship. One day in early February as I went in for my therapy session, I was told that Taylor had been involved in a horrible car accident on her way to school that morning. She sustained numerous injuries including fracturing her spine in multiple places, and had been flown to the University Hospital in Madison. This really struck me hard, and I had a really hard time dealing with it until I received an email a week later.

Josh,

My name is Val and I am Taylor's stepmother and I pulled your e-mail address off the carepages.com set up by University Hospital. I know that I am being forward but I wanted to tell you that even though I don't know you, you have provided this family much strength.

During Taylor's struggles over the past week, she talked and continues to talk about you often. Yesterday when the neurologist came in and did the American Spinal Cord Test that determined the extent of her injuries, he explained to her that there was less than a 5% chance of her regaining feeling in her legs. She was so upset and we talked about you being her hero and that she has drawn strength from you, so we decided that you were brought into her life to help her through this and she will be brought into someone else's life to give them the same strength you have provided to us.

Josh, I don't pretend to know what you or Taylor have or will go through but I admire you and as I have always admired Taylor, she will continue to be a shining star to her Dad and I.

I hope that you forgive my forwardness in writing you, but I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your spirit as it has been with Taylor since last Monday.

I hope to be able to thank you in person if I get to meet you once Taylor returns to Green Bay.

God bless you and keep you close at hand, you are a wonderful young man.

Val Tobin

Reading this email, I was almost brought to tears because things began to make sense. The phrase “the Lord works in mysterious ways” has taken on a whole new meaning in my life. It took that email from a complete stranger for me to begin to realize that my accident wasn’t a horrible event or punishment for something I had done, but in fact it was a blessing. Hearing and realizing how much strength I had provided to one family opened my eyes to the influence I had had on countless others since my accident. God had given me a great gift through my disability, he had given me the ability to inspire others, and provide them with much strength. He has put me in a position where I have been able to help more people than I could have ever imagined. There is no greater joy a person can experience than having someone come up to them and tell them just how much of an inspiration you have been for them or for someone else. Whether you know the person or not, it is an extremely humbling experience.

The question what could I have done to deserve this, is something I still think about today. The question has evolved from what have I done to deserve this burden, to what have I done to deserve this blessing? Why has God given me such a gift? I doubt I will truly ever know the answer to that question. What I do know though is that the Lord has done great things through me, things I don’t know if I deserve to get as much credit for as I do. My relationship now with God is much deeper than it has ever been before. It is close, intimate. He has become a close confidant, someone who I am engaged in constant dialogue with. I thank Him for all that He has done for me and through me, and I can only hope that I realize and am ready to accept and undertake whatever he has in store for me next.